Official Bikini Inspector
OK, its time all of us bikini inspectors speak out. When I was 13 my whole family went to Hawaii, my grandma bought me a hat that said “Official Bikini Inspector, Waikiki Beach” It was one of those trucker hats that the kids these days were making fun of 5 years ago until Mr Demi Moore started wearing, then Brittany Spears, and now all the kids are. But anyway I got my first call of duty as an inspector of bikinis on Waikiki beach, and let me tell you for a 13 year old, I had not idea what I was inspecting. Well I knew the hat certified me as an OFFICIAL inspector, and I knew that bikinis were on the “taboo” list, so I knew it must be good.
Well I wore that hat to Dixon with honor and pride, and it was not even the cool thing to do wearing nylon mess trucker hats. I even had an “F-Dude” tell me that he thought my hat was cool, which is always much better then getting the crap beat out of you by them.
So the hat lasted a few years, then I just stopped wearing it. It just didi not feel right Being a swimmer by trade, most the girls at swim meets, don’t wear bikinis, and Utah in the 80’s was not exactly a bikini state, so I found no need of flexing my power as a bikini inspector. I felt a deep lose and I was saddened for years.
It was not till years later that I went again with my family to Hawaii and being in my 20’s was completely surprised when someone bought me an “official bikini inspector” shirt. Then I realized why I had stopped wearing the hat, (no not because it was really tacky) It was a Waikiki beach inspector, I had not authority off the beach, it was limiting me in my success as an Official Bikini Inspector. So there I had it, the way to bring the excitement of being an official bikini inspector back into my life. I could be a GLOBAL INSPECTOR, no limitations. I was not bound to Huntington Beach, Northshore, or any other beach. I could inspect bikinis at the outdoor pool in Provo if I wanted to. I could go to raging waters, 7 peaks, ANYWHERE. Oh I beamed with pride over that shirt. I had my power back, I WAS AN OFFICIAL INSPECTOR OF BIKINIS!
Now it has recently come to my attention that some people (Becca) don’t respect my authority! The shirt certifies me, it empowers me, gives me all the rights and respect that any diploma could afford. Now how crushing it is to have someone question me power. Does Becca think that it is easy to inspect bikinis? NO ITS NOT It’s a hard duty, some of them are so small that its hard to inspect, others actually disappear in the back into a void, you think that is easy inspecting? NO. All we are asking is that all you bikini wearers out there give a little respect to your local inspector, and try to make it easy on a dirty old guy. Most of us have very little happiness left.
Well I wore that hat to Dixon with honor and pride, and it was not even the cool thing to do wearing nylon mess trucker hats. I even had an “F-Dude” tell me that he thought my hat was cool, which is always much better then getting the crap beat out of you by them.
So the hat lasted a few years, then I just stopped wearing it. It just didi not feel right Being a swimmer by trade, most the girls at swim meets, don’t wear bikinis, and Utah in the 80’s was not exactly a bikini state, so I found no need of flexing my power as a bikini inspector. I felt a deep lose and I was saddened for years.
It was not till years later that I went again with my family to Hawaii and being in my 20’s was completely surprised when someone bought me an “official bikini inspector” shirt. Then I realized why I had stopped wearing the hat, (no not because it was really tacky) It was a Waikiki beach inspector, I had not authority off the beach, it was limiting me in my success as an Official Bikini Inspector. So there I had it, the way to bring the excitement of being an official bikini inspector back into my life. I could be a GLOBAL INSPECTOR, no limitations. I was not bound to Huntington Beach, Northshore, or any other beach. I could inspect bikinis at the outdoor pool in Provo if I wanted to. I could go to raging waters, 7 peaks, ANYWHERE. Oh I beamed with pride over that shirt. I had my power back, I WAS AN OFFICIAL INSPECTOR OF BIKINIS!
Now it has recently come to my attention that some people (Becca) don’t respect my authority! The shirt certifies me, it empowers me, gives me all the rights and respect that any diploma could afford. Now how crushing it is to have someone question me power. Does Becca think that it is easy to inspect bikinis? NO ITS NOT It’s a hard duty, some of them are so small that its hard to inspect, others actually disappear in the back into a void, you think that is easy inspecting? NO. All we are asking is that all you bikini wearers out there give a little respect to your local inspector, and try to make it easy on a dirty old guy. Most of us have very little happiness left.
posted by Cameron H at 4:06 PM
7 Comments:
it is a hard duty? interesting.
Always with the crude. Maybe this is why certian types of sex were discussed at your Thanksgiving.
Does anyone else find it a little creepy that Cameron wants to inspect my bikini OFFICIALLY?
You are missing the point, it would be creepy if I wanted to inspect bikinis, and I was not Official
You guys have some serious sexual tension going on. Why fight it?
Ted... you survived. Cameron explained that you had been in a horrible accident and suffered many painful injuries and had to stop blogging. Glad to see you are up and running!
No I said Ted's life was a horrible accident, and that his face causes many painful injuries, he he he he he
Actually he is to busy getting an education to pay attention to us. We can go to his blog and use it as our private chat room again.
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